Writing is free therapy that connects the world in ways beyond comprehension.
"Beautiful rain, even though it hurts, washes away the pain."
One of the lines to a song I wrote. It simply means that although we go through hurt and pain, things that cut so deep it brings us to tears, that even though we hurt, the tears washes away the pain, to help us in our healing process.
It's never a good idea to hold things in, it's always best to allow yourself to experience the pain, the reaction to the pain, take the time to go through the steps, trust me, it is worth it. I used to be the kind of person who held everything in, I would never divulge how I felt until it was too late and then I would burst into this horrible fit of rage. Better not be in my way when I was coming through, it wasn't a very pretty sight.
I have a very bad temper hidden way down deep inside and if she gets out, oh boy! Yeah, I know, you're saying to yourself, no way, not Keisha Natalee Cole! I know, shocking! LOL! Truth is, it's not very shocking at all. I can get it in if I really wanted to.
Now, I practice talking about how I feel, and yes sometimes yelling it. What? I'm a work in progress! The point I'm making is, allow the rain to fall and wash away those immediate feelings that come with pain, hurt, rejection, or whatever it is that has torn you apart inside. Be angry, be hurt, be confused, depressed, they are all normal feelings that we must go through to begin the healing process. But I must warn you, don't allow those feelings to control you; you cannot do it alone. You need God to help you through it every step of the way.
When I was going through my separation, it was devastating. I didn't want to be a statistic; I didn't want to admit that I was a failure, that I couldn't keep my marriage together. I felt betrayed. I was hurt and angry. I wanted to make him feel exactly how he made me feel. I wish I could tell you that I turned the other cheek and regrouped the right way, but I can't. Now I didn't get all crazy and start slashing tires and breaking windows (I bust the windows out your car... lol) Nope, not the Jazmine Sullivan route. Too many law suits now-a-days. I wouldn't recommend that route, unless you don't mind being sued for damages. Nope, it's not worth it, but I did treat him like dirt because that's how he made me feel. Was I wrong? Yes, I was, but at the time it was what I needed to get through the day.
Once I finally got hold of myself and realized that this behavior was unbecoming of a lady, especially of a DIVA such as myself, I regrouped. I got on my knees and prayed, I prayed for what seemed like hours. This wasn't a pretty prayer either, there were tears and snot and all kinds of why's and help mes going on. I was a complete mess. The next morning, I felt better; I got it all out. I went to the right person, the comforter, God. I knew that he was the only one who could get me through it, the right way. He helped me get past the anger, the hurt, the disappointment, the everything. Now please don't think it happened overnight, although it did happen quicker than I expected, it was not instantaneous.
Once I was able to begin the healing process, I was able to forgive him for what he had done and forgive myself. I was able to begin moving on. Good old temper was put back in her place, hidden deep down inside of me. I stayed prayerful, not only for myself, but for my ex-husband as well. I prayed for our children and our relationship as single parents. I knew God would make it all better and he did. My ex-husband and I are great friends, he is a great father to our children and we are on the right path.
I wasn't even sure what I was going to write when I sat down and opened my blog, but I guess this is what I was supposed to write because that song immediately came to mind.
Beautiful rain even though it hurts, washes away the pain. I know sometimes it seems hard, you don't know what's going on. The walls are closing in, they're falling all around and the pain cuts so deep, you feel like you're drowning in the.. Beautiful rain even though it hurts washes away the pain. Those tears you've cried all night, God hears you calling. He sees your pain and so he sends his healing rain, even though it hurts, washes away the pain. Those words left unspoken, your heart he sees broken, he'll make you whole again...
Lyrics to a song written to encourage those who are hurting, to remind them that God is a healer of all things, he can and will make you whole again. So know that you don't always have to be strong, it's ok to have a moment, that doesn't make you weak, in fact it shows strength.
Be blessed and know that God is your comforter.
Keisha Natalee Cole
She Speaks I She Writes I She Lives